Huge thank you to The View and ABC for having me on 2/27/13 show! They treated me very well and I had a great time on and off the stage. As a result of this, I will be appearing at Funny Stop Comedy Club June 4-8 and I also just received a request to do a show in Harrisburg PA in October! More shows and details to come...
Next show: Buzzbin Music Shop Monday, 5/13 at 9:00 downtown Canton (corner of Cleve Ave and 4th St.)
In case you missed it or would like to view my segment again, here is the youtube clip from the show.
Minnesota just had almost two feet of snow last week. It's supposed to be April showers bring May flowers. Which is true unless you live in Minnesota. There, forget about April showers... in May, snow showers bring... more questions than answers. (Okay so I'm not good at current events comedy but gotta try it once in a while)
Ever since I was voted class clown my senior year of high school (a title I am obviously proud of), I've been writing jokes. Eventually I put together a manuscript and by early 2007, Vantage Press agreed to put it in print. I decided to call it Almost Joke Book basically to spark curiosity and get people to leaf through it (as a "no-name" in the industry I figured I had to do something like that). Then once inside, discover that most of the jokes actually are more than "almost" funny, as told by several people on my amazon.com reviews. I invite you to check out the link provided on my links page! You can also get a free preview at google books (link also provided). They are all clean jokes, in case you were leary of your child running into it or this website. This is not even my first book. My first was a book on how to publish your own book, but I couldn't seem to get that one published. I'm hoping to have better success this time and to not find myself on overstock.com anytime soon!
For those of you who don't know me that well, I am actually a high school math teacher and have been teaching in Akron Public Schools for the past 14 years (currently at Kenmore HS). I had some success doing a "joke of the day" by trying to make a potentially boring math lesson a little more interesting. This then snowballed into me constantly brainstorming for new material, especially in the wintertime. Next thing I know, I'm putting together a manuscript of mostly one-liners and puns that I just jotted down at odd times. In short I am basically a math nerd by day, aspiring comedian by night. As a teacher, I believe that there is absolutely nothing funny about getting a good education. According to my critics, there is absolutely nothing funny about most, if not all of my jokes, but I will let you be the judge of that!
I do thank you for visiting my site, posting messages on my forum, and checking out my links as well. I hope your day is a great one!
By being a member of drexjokes you will receive periodic updates of my book progress, upcoming books, and I'm currently working on an idea for a board game. You can also communicate with other members on my forum and you receive a 15% discount on any signed book(s) you wish to purchase (regular $11.95 down to $10.16 plus tax total $10.77/copy). Membership is free and you will NOT get bombarded with daily emails, spam, or other annoying cyberspace schemes. Webs.com is very protective of personal information if you choose to have an account here. Also by being a member you may receive one complimentary hour of math tutoring (per year) for you or someone you know. I appreciate you being a member if you choose to do so! Simply click on the MEMBERS tab at top and click Join Site at the top once you're there. For more information about my math tutoring services, click on NEED MATH HELP? at the top.
How can you tell when horses are sick?
When they come down with hay fever.
What county in Ohio has the highest population of dogs?
Why did the dissatisfied customer have to return her box of animal crackers for a refund?
Because the seal was broken.
When I was in college I was looking for love. I just decided, what the heck, to go out on a limb. I ended up falling in love with a monkey.
I ate a Happy Meal while I watched MAD T.V. on Fox one Saturday night. I felt absolutely no emotion at all the entire time.
If knowledge is power, then do really smart people have to pay for electricity?
Another mystery... When Penn State loses a football game at home, is it still Happy Valley?
Walt Disney's grandson filled out his March Madness bracket last year and each of his Final Four teams were all Cinderella teams.
I tried to play that Spider Solitaire game on my computer the other day but I couldn't. I discovered that my mouse had eaten it.
What happens if you get caught hacking into the F.B.I. with your home computer?
You get thrown into the "Free Cell" and are placed in "Solitaire" confinement.
Ok, so if you liked these, you can check out many, many more in the book! If you didn't like 'em, then the ones in the book are much funnier. Either way, I hope that I at least helped brighten your day a little. :-)
What kind of bird would work really well in construction?
What did they call the military dog who had to go outside too often?
They say that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I'm afraid I have to disagree with that. What if the apple tree is roped and yanked out of the ground by a helicopter, then flown 5,000 feet in the air? If at that point an apple were to fall off, well...
The cafeteria food at my old school wasn't the greatest. It usually went something like this: Yesterday's hamburger is today's chicken sandwich. Then tomorrow they'll slap on some watered down gravy and call it open-face turkey or meatloaf surprise.
I got a text message from the singer of L.A. Guns one time. It was in all caps.
What did Jim Nabors do after he retired from acting?
He began working for a flooring company. Yea, at his new job they call him "Private Tile."
Who would win if Kim Jong Il and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad arm wrestled?
Neither. They are both losers. Sometimes these jokes just write themselves.
Who lives at:
409 Pine Lane
Bath, Ohio 44210 ?
I hear Pete Rose has started his own rock band recently. I guess he wants to make another hit record.
What instrument does Pete Rose play in his band?
Knock-knock? (Who's there?) Jeanette. (Jeanette who?) Jeanette that big fish you had on the line?
I was like 20 pounds underweight all through high school, so I wasn't exactly the school jock. I was actually the assistant water boy for the JV football team for two years though. That's pretty much the extent of my "glory days."
My senior year I finally made the JV team. I led the league in turnovers. The only time I made the crowd cheer was when we were playing an away game.
I tried to get on the "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" website to get more information on a recent episode and possibly donate. I had trouble logging on though. Their website was under construction.
... To be continued...
The best news I received in 2009 was when MBR (a company based in Wisconsin that does nothing but book reviews) posted a 5-star rating for Almost Joke Book on Amazon.com. That was really the validation I needed, a professional, unbiased third party saying what they said (you can read their review on my amazon link). I really appreciate all the positive feedback I do get from family and friends which means A LOT to me as well. Aside from the stores I mentioned at the top of the page, you can also find my book in several local libraries including Stark County District Main (in Canton), Massillon Public, Canal Fulton Public, several Summit County Public Libraries (Main and four branches), and North Canton Public Library. Thanks for checking it out!!
In January, 2007 I submitted my manuscript to Tate Publishing (along with Vantage Press, of course). Tate sent me a letter declining my work while Vantage approved it... now Almost Joke Book is in print and doing well. So, even though you may see Tate Publishing advertise on my web site, I do not recommend them if you are an aspiring writer. (I don't have any control over who advertises on my site since I chose to have a free site.)
If you have the book then I'm sure you noticed typos that either went overlooked on my manuscript or occurred at Vantage Press during typesetting. Regardless, until I can get a second edition printed, I wanted to reveal here what was intended. Thank you for understanding.
p.24 #22 In the third sentence it says "Skully's" but shouldn't have the 's. Also in the fourth sentence the last word is "apartment" but it should say "argument" instead.
p.27 #45 Should say "NeverNormal" instead of "NeverInnocent."
p.34 #84 The third sentence has an unnecessary "and" in it. Should read "after they were married, he painted his wife's tattoo..."
p.43 #158 In the fourth sentence it should say "recently" instead of "recent."
p.49 #200 Should say "bought" instead of "brought."
p.51 #212 This joke starts with a quotation mark that shouldn't be there. Also in the last sentence it says "Caveliers" but should be spelled "Cavaliers" instead.
p.71 #122 In the fourth sentence the word "to" is in there and it shouldn't be. It should read "I asked her to sign the guest book..."
p.72 #127 In the second sentence it should say "ran" instead of "rang."
p.76 #22 In the first sentence it should say "a scene" instead of "as scene."
p.79 #39 In the second sentence the P in "personally" is supposed to be capitalized.
p.82 #59 There are three typos in the second sentence. It should read "It was supposed to be on at 8:00..."
p.91 #37 The word "but" should appear after "boys" and it doesn't.
p.94 #57 The weird word should say "coastetchasketch" as in the toy etch-a-sketch. Also the "w" in "Microsoft word" should be capitalized.
p.95 #63 Says "San Adrea's" and should say "San Andrea's."
p.97 #80 In the third sentence it has "the" after "that" and it should be "they" instead.
p.98 #86 In the first sentence it says "back set" and should read "back seat" instead. Also #89 Instead of "Dwayne Wade" it should be "Lebron James" due to Shaq's team change.
p.124 #103 It should say "I'm not a very good pitcher." "Not" was left out.
p.125 #116 In the third sentence the last word should be "though" not "through."
p.136 #177 The word "it" is missing. It should read "What is it called..."
p.138 #189 In the first sentence the word "I" is in there a second time and it shouldn't be (where it says "thought I were")
p.145 #233 There is just the letter "s" sitting there after the word "is" for some unknown reason.
p.146 #240 Should say "bought" instead of "brought." Also "Spyware" is one word not two. Also #243 " http://www.match.com/" should be italicized instead of underlined.
Conclusion page in back... the second sentence should say "enjoyed" instead of "enjoy" and the third sentence should say "corny" instead of "corn."