Welcome to Drexjokes.com!

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Marty Drexler's original jokes


Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to check out my small corner of cyberspace!  I try to update frequently new jokes as I scribble them here or on social media.  I appreciate your interest in my humor and please support live comedy as many comics like myself are working hard to hone our craft for you!  If you are here to find out more about my tutoring service please see "Need Math Help?" tab at the top.  I hope your day is a good one!

Upcoming show:  None at the moment, but will be booking for summer 2019.  I plan on performing at First Town Days talent show in 2019.  

Thank you for supporting live comedy!

Quick blurb on Marty Drexler:

--  Full time high school math teacher since Sept, 1998.

--  Self published Almost Joke Book (all original jokes) July 2009.

--  Part time stand up comic since Aug, 2010.

--  Comedy achievements include...

    *Ohio's Best Amateur Comedian contest winner (summer 2011).           *Dave Schwenson's Workshop grad with two performances at                      Cleveland Improv (summer 2012).                                                     *Invited back to alma matre Kent State University to speak as part              of their Kent Reads program October, 2012.                                       *Finalist on ABC's The View in their search for America's Funniest              Teacher, live performance February, 2013.                                         *Headlined first comedy show for fundraiser at Riverside HS in                    Painesville, OH January, 2014. 

You can find me on facebook:  http://facebook.com/drex3 (or search Marty Drexler)

Also on twitter:  @DrexxInEffect

J.O.W.               Week of 3/4/19

Today is Monday and The Weeknd is performing live tonight in San Francisco.  I suppose for this show only he will be known as The Extended Weeknd.
Last Week's J.O.W.           Week of 2/25/29

I've been working on jokes lately related to music artists.  I would tell a Miley Cyrus joke but I figured it would probably go over like a wrecking ball.  I also thought about doing a joke about a famous rapper but in the end I decided not to.  Figured I'd be taking too big of a chance.

My work, ALMOST JOKE BOOK (Vantage Press, 2009), is still available on amazon.com but hurry supplies are running out fast due to Vantage Press recently closing its doors after over 60 years in the business.  According to my critics, publishing my book was the reason for this lol.  To order, email me or go here:  http://www.amazon.com/Almost-Joke-Book-Marty-Drexler/dp/053315815X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1387972580&sr=8-3&keywords=almost+joke+book


     Ever since I was voted class clown my senior year of high school, I've been writing jokes.  Eventually I put together a manuscript without even really setting out to write a book (I just liked jotting ideas coming up with punchlines after like 8 years of this I realized I had enough for a book) and by early 2007, Vantage Press agreed to put it in print.  I decided to call it Almost Joke Book basically to spark curiosity and get people to leaf through it (as a "no-name" in the industry I figured I had to do something like that).  I write stuff down and I figure hey, it's my book, so if it's at least almost funny, that's good enough to print.  I'm hoping that some of the ones you read you will be pleasantly surprised as told by several people who wrote reviews.  They are all clean jokes, in case you were leery of your child running into it or this website.  This is not even my first book.  My first was a book on how to publish your own book, but I couldn't seem to get that one published.  

     My teaching experience includes 16 years at Akron City Schools (mostly at Buchtel H.S.), two years at Canton Central Catholic, and I am currently in my second year at Tuscarawas Central Catholic Jr/Sr H.S. (Go Saints!)  Although I am a teacher and a comic I believe that there is nothing funny about the importance of a great education.


How can you tell when horses are sick? 

When they come down with hay fever.


What county in Ohio has the highest population of dogs?

Licking County.


Why did the dissatisfied customer have to return her box of animal crackers for a refund?

Because the seal was broken.


I ate a Happy Meal while I watched MAD T.V. on Comedy Central one Saturday night.  I felt absolutely no emotion at all the entire time. 


If knowledge is power, then do really smart people have to pay for electricity? 


Another mystery... When Penn State loses a football game at home, is it still Happy Valley?


Does Casper's girlfriend refer to him as her boo?

Walt Disney's grandson filled out his March Madness bracket last year and each of his Final Four teams were all Cinderella teams. 


I tried to play that Spider Solitaire game on my computer the other day but I couldn't.  I discovered that my mouse had eaten it.


What happens if you get caught hacking into the F.B.I. with your home computer?

You get thrown into the "Free Cell" and are placed in "Solitaire" confinement.


Ok, so if you liked these, you can check out many, many more in the book!  If you didn't like 'em, then the ones in the book are much funnier.  Either way, I hope that I at least helped brighten your day a little.  :-)



What kind of bird would work really well in construction?

The crane.


They say that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  Okay well I think I have to disagree with that.  All I'm saying is... what if the apple tree is roped and yanked out of the ground by a helicopter, then flown 5,000 feet in the air?  If at that point an apple were to fall off, well...


I got a text message from the singer of L.A. Guns one time.  It was in all caps.


What did Jim Nabors do after he retired from acting?

He began working for a flooring company.  Yea, at his new job they call him "Private Tile."



Who lives at:

409 Pine Lane

Bath, Ohio 44210 ?

Mr. Clean


I hear Pete Rose has started his own rock band recently.  I guess he wants to make another hit record.


What instrument does Pete Rose play in his band?



Knock-knock?  (Who's there?)  Jeanette.  (Jeanette who?)  Jeanette that big fish you had on the line?


I was always underweight all through high school, so I wasn't exactly the school jock.  I was actually the assistant water boy for the freshman football team for two years though.  That's pretty much the extent of my "glory days."  Hey, somebody's got to keep the athletes hydrated.


My senior year I finally made the JV team.  I led the league in turnovers.  The only time I made the crowd cheer was when we were playing an away game.


I tried to get on the "Extreme Makeover:  Home Edition" website to get more information on a recent episode and possibly donate.  I had trouble logging on though.  Their website was under construction.

... To be continued...

Midwest Book Review

The best news I received in 2009 was when MBR (a company based in Wisconsin that does nothing but book reviews) posted a 5-star rating for Almost Joke Book on Amazon.com.  That was really the validation I needed, a professional, unbiased third party saying what they said (you can read their review on my amazon link).  I really appreciate all the positive feedback I do get from family and friends which means A LOT to me as well.  Aside from the stores I mentioned at the top of the page, you can also find my book in several local libraries including Stark County District Main (in Canton), Massillon Public, Canal Fulton Public, several Summit County Public Libraries (Main and four branches), and North Canton Public Library.  Thanks for checking it out!!